PTSD

Most people hear those four words, usually the first thoughts that come to their heads is, "Crazy Vietnam Vet". I know because it was my first thought. It's an unfortunate reality.

When you're a victim of PTSD, you wish there was a switch to turn off all the shit in your head. Your life becomes a blend of chaos and inertia. It's not a world created in your head to escape reality. It's the reality of whats in your head. You're always on the brink of a meltdown, snapping, wigging out, or many other of the terms people use when they witness it firsthand. You cant tolerate large crowds, and when your just out with friends and family, you get random thoughts of violence towards people who are perfect strangers to you. A certain amount of disregard for life. Yours and others. There are things in your head you can't talk to anyone about. There's the pharmacutical approach. It helps some symptoms but intensifies others. The psychological therapy only goes so far. It's a gamble either way.

Nightmares, insomnia, heightened alertness, extreme mood swings in an instant, persistant recollections, and self imposed isolations. There's alienating those close to you because you're afraid of them seeing you in your worst moments, or they're afraid of you because they have seen you at your worst moment.

Then there's the memory banks that have been deleted or blocked. People have no idea how right they are when they say, "You've changed."

All day long, day in, day out, your mind goes through 5 cycles : defend, reinforce, attack, withdraw, delay. You find yourself positioning so you can anticipate a possible threat at any given moment in your daily routine.

If the government would recognize this as a true disability and quit sugar coating it with other terms that seem easier to swallow. Our vets should be given the same awards and attention as those with physical wounds, maybe, just maybe there would be more persistancy in getting better help. Your mind is just like any other apendage. It's there one day and when you lose even part of it. Your everyday functioning has to altered and becomes a challenge.